Yuh is ah Jamaican if....

You know you are a Jamaican when.........

1) You go to the bathroom to TIDY.

2) You can't get your "h's" in the right places.

3) When Unda is a type of a car and Honda is a way to go by bridge.

4) When you carry Carib Carbolic soap to the beach.

5) When you wear underwear under your swimsuit.

6) When you roll up in the sand just after you come out of the water.

7 ) Your suitcase stinks of the combination of roast breadfruit, ackee, fish and white rum.

8) You have yellow tint, shag carpeting, 2 crown air fresheners,2 Lion Kings, 2 nodding dogs and a Garfield all in the back of your Lexus.

9) When you eat too much, you feel Clyded.

10) Real Jamaican men:

Carry face towels in their back pockets. Can stand with arms akimbo and still look cool! Wear "Ganzi's" under shirts. Call every Chinese person "Missa or Miss Chin" Don't drive Yankee cars.

11) Somebody asks you the time and you're tapping your watch and listening to it to make sure it's working (even if it's digital).

12) Your family's living room set is still upholstered ..........after 20 years.

13) You're male and your name ends in roy (Glenroy, Leroy, Fitzroy, Ezroy, Delroy, Troy, Gilroy) or ton (Linton, Clinton,Ralston, Welton, Everton, Barrington)

14) Your nickname is Bunny, Reds, Junior or Frenchie

15) Your name is Oliver, Clement or Oswald and everyone calls you Tony.

16) You drive a Legend, a Cressida, a BMW 2002 or any old Beemer, Maxima, Camry (pre 1994), Accord or NissanSentra

17) You have a gift wrapping bow in your rear view mirror

18) You use knife and fork simultaneously.

19) When your parents don't understand school terms like "grade or GPA"

20) When your father asks how old you are.

21) When you meet your half brothers/sisters for the first time in your teens.

22) If you have Dettol, Milo, or Horlicks in your cupboard.

Go back up

The Jamaican "native tongue" is very different from the Trini "native tongue"

Ever wonder if Jamaican buses were set up like Airlines with the flight attendant and captain giving safety instructions?

Bus driver speaking on the intercom : Welcome to Bus numba 40,running from Papine to Down Town Kingston. Please direct your attention to di Ducta who will instruct yuh on our safety and model features.

ConDucta : Hail up massive! We want you to know that you are riding on the safest bus dat run pan di di Paipine to Down town route. The mogle of our bus is a 1980 Elcava , owned and operated by Rough Rider transports . Dis mogle can survive any adversities an cantravasies. As unu can si dis bus get nuff lick up an bad man shot it up nuff time an it still a drive like new! This bus seats up to 55 passengers, howeva, due to our commitment to excellent service, wi do not leave anybady straddling in di streets. So expect to have up top 140 people in yah by di time wi reach down town.

During di journey we may encounta unexpected turbulences
....These are known as pot holes. In di case of a sudden bump
please refrain fram bawling out Lard Jesas mi dead now! Our driva is an experience driva an will mek sure di axle an wheel noh bruck aff ina one a dem. But incase wi drap ina one an caan come out.. please do not climb troo di window dem til unu pay unu bus fare..I will shat unu r*ss wid mi 45.

This bus is not equipped with seat belts. Please hole on pon di railing when di bus a tun di carna dem. The bus is capable of driving pon 2 wheels around all corners and bends. When di bus a tun one wicked carna pon 2 wheelie, wi ask dat our seating passengers bear it if smaddy slide dung ina dem seat an squash yuh gainst di bus side.. Our seating passengers may experience standing passengers loosing dem balance an falling ova pon unu .. please do not yell out, Hey batty bway, come off a mi R*ss Lap! Dat may cause a serious shoot out!

On exiting the bus please don't expect di bus to come to a full stop.Wi asking dat yuh hop off a di bus step skillfully .. if unu drap an lan pon unu backside an bruck sinting, Rough Rider noh response.

This is NOT a non-stop journey. As a matta fact wi stop any which part wi waan wi stop at every yaad gate - all ina miggle road wi stop. Howeva dis bus noh stop fi police ..incase of an unexpected police chase, the driva will be forced to increase the bus' normal speed from 100 ml/hr to 160 ml/hr. Yuh will be instructed to hole on tight an shet unu mout.

Incase this bus is hijacked by a terrorist known as "pick pocket",hole di bway an murda im to r*ss.

With that said, If wi reach down town ina one piece please prepare for new passengers fi shoob unu dung before unu can get off.. Noh mine dem..but seat kina ration...

Tank yuh for teking di ireiest Rough Rider Elcava pon di route ..and hope you enjoy di ride. DRIVA - PRESS OUT!!